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Is Your Child Ready to Stay Home Alone?

By Kelli Kirwan

Here's a scary thought - you shut the front door behind you, get into your car, and actually drive away knowing your child is alone in the house, watching TV and eating everything in sight. But the thought of a month's groceries disappearing while you're gone pales in comparison to the frightening thoughts that begin entering your mind. Each click of the odometer moves you farther from your blossoming preteen, and your mind begins to race with every scary scenario possible.

How do you really know your child is ready to take this giant step toward independence? How can you prepare them? There is no one answer or magic formula, but there are guidelines you may want to consider.

State Law

The legal age at which a child can be left home unattended varies from state to state, but is usually 12 or 13. In Nebraska the most mentioned age is 11. Some states don't specify an age, but make it illegal for an adult to leave anyone under 18 alone if it endangers the child's health or welfare.

Maturity Level

Although 12 seems to be the age at which children can be left alone, age is not the only factor - you must consider the individual maturity of your son or daughter. Think back over their history of decision making - do they tend to make good, sound decisions based on their age and experience? Have you taught them not to panic, but to think quickly and clearly in unexpected situations? Have you practiced fire or earthquake drills? Does the child play with matches or lighters? Is there a gun in the house, and is it locked up? Where's the key? What about the liquor cabinet? Does your child understand the hazards of electrical appliances such as the stove, toaster, microwave, and hair dryer?

Past behavior is a good indicator of what will happen when you're not around, but at some point you have to give them the chance to prove themselves. Small steps may be the best way to introduce them to the responsibility of staying home alone.

Does Your Child Want to Stay Home Alone?

Regardless of age, some children don't want to stay home alone. They may be uncomfortable because a parent is deployed, or nervous because of heightened alert status or recent events. Or they may just be lonely. Talk with your child and see how he or she feels.

A note of caution: If your son or daughter isn't ready to be home alone, for whatever reason, don't force them into a potentially frightening or harmful situation. Your children's best advocate is you, their parent, and you are also the most familiar with your child's ability. Given time, they will be ready to try again, and with more success.

Information Training

Even very young children should be taught the basic emergency numbers, but a refresher course is probably in order for your preteen. Post a list of work numbers, reliable neighbors, family, and of course 911. You also need to teach them the correct order of actions to take. For example, if there's a fire, they should get out of the house first and then call 911 from a cell phone or a neighbor's house. After that, they should call the parent's emergency number.

Safety Training

Begin teaching children long before the age of 11 not to open the door to strangers (or even to talk to them through a closed door) and never to tell a caller that they're home alone. Now is a great time to talk with them about keeping themselves safe, not just from crime, but from household accidents as well.

Basic First Aid

Band-Aids, triple antibiotic ointment, and CPR are tools everyone should have, and our children are no different. Girl Scouts, and the Red Cross offer first aid and CPR lessons. If no programs are readily available, look around your neighborhood or church.

Care of Younger Siblings

All too often, an oldest child gets put into role of caregiver before he or she is ready. In addition to verifying the legal age at which a child can be left to baby sit, make sure your child is ready to care for herself as well as other children. Introduce kids to baby sitting by having them start in your home, so you'll be nearby if they need you. A little sitter training may go a long way toward helping your son or daughter be a responsible baby sitter - and who knows? you may be borrowing money for the movies from them.

Learning to stay home alone is a normal step in growing up. Under a family's watchful eye and guidance, this new responsibility can be learned one step at a time. As a parent, it's your job to love, teach, and prepare your children to live in this world successfully. Not an easy task, but one that will be the greatest accomplishment of your life.